Hurt Much? The Pain of Miscommunication
As a dental coach and consultant that travels 48 weeks a year, I consider airport lounges my second home. My time in the lounge is peaceful, quiet, and relaxing. This week was different. This week I was feeling stressed as I wrapped up my notes at the end of my most recent job.
I had a team member for an office that I was coaching take great offence to me. This person is someone that I have known for over a year, someone whose tears I have wiped when she has been frustrated and stressed. For me, it came out of nowhere, and she texted me afterward to apologize for behaving poorly towards me. I knew this was the perfect opportunity to engage in a real conversation.
Once I gave her the opportunity to open up, she explained that she felt that I was targeting her by pointing out her mistakes and that I was going to get her fired. I was shocked, but I understood the fear that she was expressing. So many people in our industry were let go through no fault of their own. Often, the dental practice is in a state of disarray, they haven’t been trained appropriately, they don't get feedback regularly, they don't get coaching of any kind, and then “BLAM!” One day they are let go.
One of the biggest issues that lead to hurt feeling this way was that when she received coaching, she did not say anything. She didn’t express her fears or concerns. Instead, she nodded and agreed and held in her frustration for an entire month.
So how could this have been prevented? If you sense that someone isn’t responding well to what you are saying or has misunderstood your work or intentions; please speak to them. It takes one conversation to clear up misunderstandings, hurt feelings or confusion. One chat could have allowed me to assure her of my intentions in trying to help her improve, feel less stressed, and give her solutions to her struggles.
As Dr. Brene Brown says, "clear is kind." A lesson that we can all practice in our communications every day. Being clear with our patients on the diagnosis and options, being clear with our expectations and feedback to our staff. I don’t know what needs to improve unless you tell me.
So many issues can be resolved with communication. Say the thing that’s hard to say, take a chance on the relationship that you have built, give someone the benefit of the doubt, and encourage them to be open with you in return. Without that, you might be doing damage without even realizing it.
Until next time!
